We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
