haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize