"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
