I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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