cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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