Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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