Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
