so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
