and you said cock pushups were impossible
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
