I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
