There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
