I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
