why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
