Dual....:-)
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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