Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
