im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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