Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
