Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
