we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
