dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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