New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
