Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
