While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
