Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize