Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
