Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize