its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
