You smell like stripper and shame
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
