Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
