and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
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