Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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