how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
