I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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