I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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