Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
