Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
