i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
