OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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