Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
