I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
