I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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