you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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