I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
