I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
