Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
