Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she peed on how many people?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
