happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
