Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
