i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
