i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
