So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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