it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize