I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize