Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
