ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
