He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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