I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Never joke about your clitoris.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
