Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
