Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
