girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i will never coherently bang her
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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