half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
