Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
