so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And then my night got REAL pukey
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
