He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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