I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
