wrigley field is MILF paradise
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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