i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
