3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
