Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
