Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
