I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
don't judge my taste in strippers
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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