You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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