We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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