YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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