I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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