How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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