my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
