SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize