Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
