if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
