OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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