The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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