She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
