Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
