you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
