During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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