I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
